Let's face it - Conflict is an inevitable part of life, whether in personal relationships, the workplace, or social settings.

Conflict arises when your ideas, needs and beliefs differ from another person’s and there seems no resolution in sight.

Have you watched two people in a conflict situation? You’ll probably find both of them start talking louder, they are not listening to each other and wanting to make their points knowns .Its an emotionally charged situation where each one wants the other person to concur to their point of view. The body language is tense.

How we navigate through these difficult moments can significantly impact our relationships and our quality of life because conflict is an emotionally driven situation that triggers fear, frustration, anger and anxiety. 

How You Communicate

Our emotions impact our quality of communication in the difficult moments and managing them contributes to resolving conflicts constructively and preserving mutual respect. 

Here are five strategies to help you communicate effectively during a conflict situation:

Manage Your Emotions

Emotions can run high in conflict situations, making it challenging to think clearly and communicate effectively. While it’s natural to feel upset, allowing emotions to dictate your responses can worsen the situation.

Become consciously aware of what you are feeling, then take a moment to pause and breathe before responding. Breathing helps calm the emotions.

If you feel overwhelmed with anger, frustration etc, it is okay to request a break to gather your thoughts and handle your feelings before coming back to the conversation.

Use “I” statements to express your feelings without placing blame. For instance, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I feel unheard when my suggestions are overlooked.” This approach reduces defensiveness in the other person and encourages a more constructive dialogue.

Listen Actively

One of the most powerful tools in conflict resolution is active listening. Why do we use the word ‘active’? Because it involves giving your full attention to the speaker.

A question we can ask ourselves is - “During a disagreement am I thinking about my response or am I truly hearing the other person? 

When we are not listening to the other person, we miss getting the full picture which can lead to misunderstandings and escalation. A change of perception, leads to a change of feelings too.

We demonstrate being active by maintaining eye contact, nodding, avoiding interruptions and letting the person express their thoughts fully, while being empathetic. 

Focus on the Issue

Conflicts can quickly become personal if the focus shifts from the issue on hand to attacking the other person. This not only derails the conversation but can also cause lasting damage to the relationship.

To avoid this, concentrate on the specific problem rather than assigning blame or making personal criticisms. For example, instead of saying, “You’re so irresponsible,” reframe it as, “When deadlines are missed, it impacts the entire team.” 

By addressing behaviours and outcomes rather than personal flaws, you keep the discussion solution-oriented.

Find Common Ground

Finding areas of agreement, even in the midst of conflict, can help build a bridge toward resolution. When both parties recognize shared goals or values, it’s easier to collaborate on a solution.

Start by identifying mutual interests. For instance, if you and a colleague are arguing about how to approach a project, acknowledge your shared desire for its success. You might say, “We both want this project to be completed on time and meet expectations. Let’s figure out the best way to achieve that together.” Focusing on commonalities can shift the dynamic from adversarial to cooperative.

Open to Flexibility

Effective communication in conflict often requires flexibility and a willingness to find a middle ground. Holding rigidly to your position can prolong the disagreement and prevent resolution.

Approach the conversation with an open mind and a problem-solving attitude. Ask yourself, “What’s most important to me, and where can I be flexible?” Be prepared to give a little to gain. For example, if you’re negotiating with a partner about household responsibilities, you might say, “I’m willing to take on grocery shopping if you can handle the cooking.” Compromise shows respect for the other person’s needs and fosters goodwill.

To Conclude

Conflict doesn’t have to be destructive. When approached with effective communication strategies, it can lead to deeper understanding, stronger relationships, and creative solutions. 

Questions you can ask yourself when anticipating conflict situations are -

• What do I want to achieve from this conversation?
• What challenges am I anticipating? How can I prepare for them?
• What do I need to do to be a better listener?
• How do I want to feel in the conversation? What do I need to do to prepare for it?
• How do I want to feel when I walk away from the conversation?

Recommended Resources

Crucial Conversations -- Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron Mcmillan, Al Switzler

Difficult Conversations - Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen